2023/2/19
Ahhhhhhhh I came 22nd in my year! There were 680 people in the class! That's fourth in my class! I'm so excited! I have to study hard! Sorry for the slow update, this will probably go on until I graduate in 2-3 years. I'm really sorry about that. I chose art and culture classes in high school so that the major I'll be taking after graduation will probably be art and am worrying about the future ..... A lot has been happening lately too and it's burning me up. I've also recently enjoyed reading Pessoa's book of poetry, I Carry the Universe with Me, which has struck a chord and relaxed me a little. The one that stood out the most when I read it was 'Sunset Slowly in the Remaining Remaining Clouds' Perhaps I will write a little bit of an essay when I have the time, which I hope I have.I found out I can only use vpn to log in to neocities now so I've been searching for ages and I thought I'd lost my site and it's killing me. 啊啊啊啊我考了年级第22名！全年级一共680个人！！也就是我们班里面的第四名啊啊啊啊！我太激动了！果然我还是要好好学习！放慢更新的速度，对不起大家，这可能会一直持续到两三年后我毕业了。实在很抱歉。我在高中选择了艺术和文化班，这样我毕业以后要考的专业可能是艺术，正在为未来烦恼.....最近也发生了许多的事情，让我焦头烂额。最近也喜欢上了阅读佩索阿的诗集《我将宇宙随身携带》，有了很大的感触，也让我稍稍放松了一点。读的时候最印象深刻的就是《落日缓行在剩余的残云中》或许等我有空了，我将写一点点随笔，我希望我有时间。我发现我现在只能用vpn来登录neocities 所以我找了好久 我还以为我的网站没了 急死我了
2022/3/12
I need to state what happened this month to calm myself down. I'm trying to record some happy / sad things to enrich my life and I think it will change my life.
What makes me happy:I started watching vtb live in my junior year of high school. It was probably when I was 15 years old. First, explain the word about vtber, that is a fan culture. dd, refers to people who follow multiple vtb. d, here used as a verb, only of is powder this vup at the same time also powder a lot of vup; also can be understood as in powder a lot of vup premise and powder a vup. vtber is virtual anchor. （I'm sorry, my translation tool struck when translating those words because it didn't know how to translate）At the end of 21 years, I d a new v of Rainbow Society (2434, nijisanji en). in the beginning I was only attracted by his bass, so he was only considered to be under the number of followers. But when I saw a fan's clip (a recording of a live clip) I felt the need to pick myself up and, as he encouraged, "You all deserve more than to have me as the only joy in your lives." Frankly, those words brought me back from the brink of drifting.I know I used to be a little timid a little selfish and even self-loathing. I was afraid that no one in the world would accept me, because I was the one who was often scolded, I thought so myself. I was often scolded by my family just because I didn't mop the floor or do the laundry when they came home. The despair that filled the air in my home day after day was hard to bear, and I couldn't accept this life. I wanted to study hard and then choose the life I wanted to escape from this home. I couldn't abandon morals and hearts, but I didn't want to be tied down by what some other people said. I hope my future will be better and better as I hope it will be. I have to get my act together.
What I'm implementing: I plan to spend less time playing genshinimpact, it's never fulfilling to keep doing something that has no progress unless it's updated.
Put a link:https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV15L4y1s71H?spm_id_from=333.1007.top_right_bar_window_default_collection.content.click
我需要陈述下这个月发生的情况好让自己平复下心情，我正尝试记录一些开心/伤心的事充实我的生活并且我认为这将改变我的生活。
令我开心的事：我从初三开始看vtb直播。大概是我15岁时吧。先解释一下有关vtber的词，那是一种粉丝文化。DD，指关注多个vtb的人。D，这里用作动词，只的是粉这个vup的同时还粉了很多的vup；也可以理解为在粉了很多的vup前提下又粉了一个vup。vtber就是虚拟主播。在21年的结尾，我d了一个彩虹社（2434，nijisanji en）的新v。在一开始我只是被他的低音吸引，所以他只算是被压在关注人数底下的那些。但当我看到一个粉丝的切片（直播中片段的录屏）我感到了要振作起来，像他所鼓励的那样“你们都值得得到更多而不是把我当作你们生命中唯一的快乐。”坦白地说，这句话把我从飘忽的边缘拉了回来。我知道以前的我有些胆小有些自私甚至自我厌恶。我害怕这个世界没有人会接纳我，因为我是经常被骂的那个，我自己那么认为的。我经常被家人骂仅仅因为他们回家时我没拖地没洗衣服。日复一日的绝望弥漫在家中的空气里，我很难受，我不能接受这样的生活。我想好好学习然后选择自己想要的生活逃离这个家，我不能抛弃道德和人心，但我不想被一些别的人的言论所束缚。希望我的未来能如我所愿越来越好吧。我必须要振作起来。
我正在执行的事：打算减少玩genshinimpact的时间，一直做一件毫无进度的事是永远不会有成就感的，除非它更新了。
放个链接:https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV15L4y1s71H?spm_id_from=333.1007.top_right_bar_window_default_collection.content.click
2022/2/12
Ohh I came back to update my diary again. I haven't been in good shape for half a month. The 12th was supposed to be the day of school, but because I was suspended for a year Well, to get back to the point, I find that there are very few resources for self-learning on the Internet. Some prove full of loopholes and some lack weight. I hate the school atmosphere and don't want to surf the Internet without restraint. Well, I also found that almost every diary I kept was complaining about school. I think there must be something wrong with me. Let's change the subject. I don't think kesulu's mythological novels have a great psychological impact on people, but I think it's too much to be banned from reading his novels. Let's put it another way. You spent about 800 yuan to buy a complete set of kesulu's novels. As a result, a group of adults around you banned you from reading the novel. It's really helpless. Just like my father saw me reading this novel and then he looked at my usual clothes matching. Oh, danger! All dark clothes! "Girls should wear pink." How ironic!
ohh我又回来更新我的日记了，这半个月来状态不是很好。12号本该是上学的日子，但由于我休学了一年....好吧，切回正题，我发现现在网上能自我学习的资源非常少，有的证明漏洞百出，有的缺斤少两。我既讨厌学校的氛围又不想没有节制地上网。好吧，我也发现了我几乎每条日记都是在抱怨学校。我认为我一定出现了什么问题。咱们换一个话题，我并不认为克苏鲁的神话小说对人有巨大的心理影响，但我觉得被禁止看他的小说是一件非常过分的事。让我们换位思考，你花了大约800人民币去买了一套克苏鲁的小说全集结果身边的一群大人禁止了你看这部小说的行动。真是无奈。就好比我的父亲看见我看这部小说后，他再看我平常的衣物搭配，哦，危险！全是深色的衣物！“女孩子就应该穿粉色。”多么的讽刺啊！
Then there are some of my nonsense: I found that China's domestic environment (only games) and the quality of some people are really worse than those abroad. i mean it.
然后就是一些我的废话：我发现中国国内的环境（只说游戏方面的）以及部分人的素质真的比国外差。我是认真的。
Maybe it's the last update this year. I don't think my parents will let me continue to play.
也许是今年最后一次更新，我不认为我的父母会让我继续玩下去。
2021/12/21
It is found that you can view the source code of strikingly web page, copy and paste it on your own website [provided that your own website] to realize the transfer function, but the network may be disconnected. It is troublesome to check strikingly's advertising pop-up window and some networking links.
Index:★★★★★
example:。
发现可以查看strikingly网页的源代码，复制粘贴到自己网站上【前提是自己的网站】可以实现转移的功能，不过网络可能会掉线，要检查strikingly的广告弹窗和一些联网的链接。比较麻烦。
指数：★★★★★
实例：。
2021/12/17
indulged in the myth of kesulu [Wuhu]. It's been so tortuous recently. There is a video that makes me feel deeply, although I haven't reached that grade yet. Here is its link:"Are you a clown? Cheems"There is a barrage of translators inside.
In addition, I shared my website with my friends, but it was my classmates' parents who received the information. For some reasons, I didn't want them to see too much content of my website, so I planned to [encrypt calls]。It's some other ways of sending messages, such as changing a language (with translation or more comprehensive) or through some linked pictures.This is very much in line with my a——s——s——u——m——p——tion———— .LIKE THIS:
say it again:this is very much in line with my a——s——s——u——m——p——tion————:)
Supplement: the 996 working system is a working system that works at 9 a.m., gets off at 9 p.m., takes a rest for 1 hour (or less) at noon and evening, works more than 10 hours in total, and works six days a week. This system represents the prevailing overtime culture in Chinese Internet enterprises.
补充: 996工作制是是早上9点上班、晚上9点下班，中午和傍晚休息1小时（或不到），总计工作10小时以上，并且一周工作6天的工作制度。这一制度，代表着中国互联网企业盛行的加班文化。 It's really a fucking "good" overtime culture, isn't it?
QWQ 。 JavaScript is very difficult. I sincerely apologize: the three-year study of JavaScript I sent before may be suspended. The pressure of China's college entrance examination is huge for every high school student, We have to face the problem of seedlings being screened out [mainly because China's current education is selective, with fierce competition and a population of more than one billion. There are so many universities, so those who can't go to college in China either have to work as labor force or other ways] generally speaking, going to a good university = having a job = having money = being superior, but at the same time, you also lose your sense of happiness and satisfaction, but the current situation of college students in 996 after working Elephants emerge one after another. (it's not to gain attention to express my attitude, but I'm really dissatisfied with the current situation.) what a fucking mess, what a fucking deformity. I've gone too far. But I just want to say it. When I think of these things, I want to find something to fall:（
Other things that make me feel good or bad: (maybe it's childish for me to put my diary on my website? But I hate my parents to turn over my things.)
aside from these, epic mall actually sent games {moved} {very moved}.
Chinese Simplified: https://www.epicgames.com/store/zh-CN/free-games /
Traditional Chinese: https://www.epicgames.com/store/zh-Hant/
Sobbing, the end of the year is a welfare bomb area. The favorite decryption series rust Lake actually sends colored eggs, which is linked to the official riddit. Sobbing, each time the official sends them late, there are no reward colored eggs, and the domestic ladder has been hit hard by qwq.
Oh, by the way, there are also very abnormal things. I didn't expect that one day I would be considered schizophrenic, So I can only say "fool" [swearing words in our country are very serious. The pronunciation is: Sha Bi, the sound is about the same as that of shabby] √. I want to scold sb. very much, which makes me very uncomfortable. I just pull down the bottom line every time I go to diagnosis and treatment. I can't be angry at all. The psychologist thinks that I will only be angry with my parents and will not be angry with others He thought I had this kind of disease and prepared this medicine for me, Cao [this is also a dirty word] [aside: because the family heard me scold and slap me " , I can't vent, so I'm sorry to let you see this. I'm just venting. Please forgive me.
But in my personal awareness, my heart is more inclined to be lonely. I want to go to the top of the empty mountain and shout at the bottom of the mountain. I hate people! I don't know why, but I like people, I hate communication, eyes and gestures [especially being commanded by others], the premise of liking people is probably in front of his interested companions, like the protagonist of a novel written by Edo kawawa: he likes to walk alone through the steps or parks hurried by pedestrians after the end of the theater at night. It seems that you are an outsider and observer of the world. I have a feeling that my mental state may be from my view Paradox related articles, perhaps the way to think about literary paradox is bumpy, [in short: wishful thinking] I kind of believe in these paradoxes. The melody of the rapidly changing words is very beautiful. Or I shouldn't read these books again.
In addition, talk about something interesting [it may be that no one has chatted for too long. Personal feeling: words are ten million times better than voice or video chat] in bilibilibili [a domestic animation ACG video website bought a hand-made blind box [popular in China in recent years]. I don't know what kind of [in short, playing is the Heartbeat].
Again: the buyer's office doesn't go to other unknown places in China. Oh, we don't buy some things ourselves [or there are pits. For example, ①: it is expensive at home and cheap abroad. ②: it is expensive abroad and cheap at home. ③: only foreigners want it, but no one at home buys it.For example, some jewelry sells for more than thirty dollars and is directly processed at a low price in our country.I saw it on Taobao. If it's not true, the shopkeeper is cheating customers]So, shopping should also be considered (although I'm often cheated when shopping)
QWQ 。JAVASCRIPT好难，诚挚道歉：对于我之前发出的三年学习JavaScript要暂时缓期.中国的高考压力对于每一个高中生都是巨大的，要面临着苗子被筛选掉的问题【主要是中国现在的教育是选拔式的，竞争激烈，十几亿人口。就那么多的大学，所以考不上大学的人在中国要么只有去做劳动力的份，要么其他途径】通俗来讲：考上好大学=有工作着落=有钱=高人一等，但同时你也丧失了快乐感、满足感，但大学生工作后996的现象层出不穷。（不是为了博取关注度才表明态度，而是这种现状我实在不满）真他妈的糟心、真他妈的畸形。我太过火了。但我就是想说出来，一想到这些东西我就想找点东西摔 ：（
另外几件让我心情好或不好的：（也许我把日记放在自己网站上有点幼稚？但我讨厌父母翻我的东西）抛开这些，EPIC商城居然送游戏了{感动}{非常感动}。
中文简体：https://www.epicgames.com/store/zh-CN/free-games
中文繁体：https://www.epicgames.com/store/zh-Hant/ 呜呜呜，年底简直就是福利炸弹区，最喜欢的解密系列锈湖居然发彩蛋了，链接在官方的riddit上，呜呜呜每次官方都发晚了，奖励彩蛋都没有了，国内梯子打击得好厉害QWQ。
哦，对了还有非常畸形的事，没想到有一天我居然还会被以为是精神分裂症，由此我也只能说声“傻逼”【我们国家骂人的脏话，很严重的那种，读音是：sha bi，发出声大概和shabby差不多】√，我非常想骂，这让我很难受，我只是每次去诊疗时莫名其妙的就会把心里底线拉低，根本生不了气，那个心理医生认为我只会和父母生气不会和别人生气的反应差别很大，所以他他妈的【这也是我们的脏话】他认为我有这种病给我配了这种药，草【这也是脏话】【题外话：因为家里人听到我骂脏话要打我“巴掌”，没办法发泄，所以对不起了让你看到这些，我只是发泄一下，请原谅我吧。
但在我的个人觉察中，我内心更倾向于孤僻，我想走向空无一人的山巅，向山下大吼一声。我讨厌人！我不知道为什么会这样，但我又喜欢人，我讨厌交流以及眼神和动作示意【尤其是被别人指挥】，喜欢人的前提大概在和自己感兴趣的同伴面前，像江户川乱步写的一篇小说的主人公一样：喜欢独自一人路过夜晚剧院结束后行人匆匆的台阶或公园。仿佛你是这个世界的外来者、观察者一样。我有点感觉，我的精神状况有可能是从我看与悖论有关的文章时产生的，或许思考与文学悖论的途径颠簸不堪，【简单来说就是：胡思乱想】我有点相信这些悖论，那种急转而下的文字旋律很美妙。又或者我不该再看这些书。再者，聊点有意思的【说聊一聊可能是太长时间没人聊天了，个人感觉：文字总比语音或视频聊天好一千万倍】在BILIBILI【国内的一个动漫ACG视频网站上买了一个手办盲盒【近年来国内流行的】不晓得会抽到哪种【总之玩的就是心跳】。
再：买手办不要去中国其他不知名的地方买嗷，有些东西我们自己都不买【或者说是有坑，比如说①：国内卖得贵，国外卖的便宜。②：国外卖得贵，国内卖的便宜。③：只有国外人要，国内没人买。像一些首饰卖三十几美金，国内直接低价处理.我在淘宝网看到的，如果不是真的，那那个店主就是骗顾客】所以说啦，买东西也要考虑考虑嗷，（虽然我买东西也经常被坑
2021/12/14
重新画了一下那幅画.
突然有个主意，也有可能是我三分钟热度的原因，很想把碧拉尔·图戈依的《劳驾，快点！》做成RPG游戏。哦，好尴尬，居然把happynewyear打成了HAPPERNEWYEAR，我想我应该钻到哪里去躲一躲，但neocities的仪表盘删不了图片，呜呜呜好尴尬啊。碧拉尔·图戈依是那位秘鲁的作家。我只在国内刊物《儿童文学》上阅读过。在电影中，不同的画面以不同的逻辑被剪辑到一起，产生不一样的表现效果，文字很蒙太奇，极具画面感。一位有轻生意图的父亲带着女儿住在一幢孤零零的房子里，在实施他的计划前，他给母亲打了一个电话，而察觉到不对劲的母亲开始了一场电话接力，试图阻止他。哇，说到这里我又想到了一篇文章，写的是一位母亲为了儿子的团体地位而毒死了一位和他们抢生意的医生。我特别喜欢希区柯克式的结尾，虽然听说欧亨利也有类似的，但希区柯克的更吸引我。那种百转千回的情节，最后结尾总是令我耳目一新，很舒服。
Redrawn the picture.
Suddenly I have an idea, which may also be the reason for my three minute heat. I really want to put bilar tugoyi's "excuse me, hurry up!" Make RPG Games.Oh, it's so embarrassing that I turned happyNewYear into happyNewYear. I think I should go somewhere to hide, but the dashboard of neocities can't delete the picture. Woo woo woo is so embarrassing.Bilar tugoy is the Peruvian writer. I only read it in the domestic journal children's literature. In the film, different pictures are edited together with different logic to produce different performance effects. The text is very montage and has a great sense of picture. A father with suicide intention lived in a lonely house with his daughter. Before implementing his plan, he called his mother. When she realized something was wrong, his mother began a telephone relay to try to stop him. Wow, speaking of this, I thought of another article about a mother who poisoned a doctor who robbed them of business for her son's group status. I especially like the Hitchcock style ending. Although I heard that O'Henry has a similar ending, Hitchcock's is more attractive to me. That kind of plot, the end always makes me refreshing and comfortable.
2021/12/13
HAPPY NEW YEAR! 我晚了，抱歉。感觉老爸不会让我熬夜过新年所以提前更新一下。还有十几天才到年末，我过多地使用手机电脑等电子设备让我爸爸非常生气，他没收了我所有的（除了一部能用移动网络的诺基亚）电子设备。所以最近只画了个小动漫人头，但她看上去有亿点怪（？）。另外，neocities的仪表盘好像有点问题，我的一些文件删不掉也移不出我的文件夹，好吧我承认现在我的仪表盘一团糟。不仅仪表盘，我的生活也是，近期开始休学，我实在不能忍受学校的氛围，那使我越来越感到窒息。我又从我的心理医生那里了解到了许多情况：一个人不管你做了，什么背后总会有人嫉妒你议论你。我很震惊。原来不能一直“讨好”他人来换得所谓的“尊重”，那实在是太不值了。 还有，我希望可以分享更多给你们。所以我打算把这部分当做我的日记。嗯？你问我用来干什么？哈，当然是写点什么啦。 休学只是暂时的，后面一定一定会上学的_(:з」∠)_ 。如果我到时候太贪于现在【只是说如果，万一】希望现在写的这段话会让以后的我回心转意
I'm late. I'm sorry. There are more than ten days left.I don't think Dad will let me stay up late for the new year, so update it in advance. By the end of the year, my father was very angry that I used too many electronic devices such as mobile phones and computers, He confiscated all my electronic devices (except a Nokia with mobile network), so I only drew a small cartoon head recently, but she looks a little strange. Actually, I haven't finished yet(?). In addition, there seems to be something wrong with the dashboard of neocities. Some of my files can't be deleted or moved out of my folder. Well, I admit that my dashboard is a mess now. Not only the dashboard, but also my life. I've been suspended from school recently. I really can't stand the school atmosphere, which makes me more and more suffocated. I learned from my psychologist Many situations: no matter what you do, there will always be people who envy you and talk about you. I was shocked. It turns out that we can't always "please" others in exchange for the so-called "respect", which is really worthless. Also, I hope to share more with you. So I'm going to take this part as my diary. Huh? What do you ask me for? Ha, of course, write something.Suspension is only temporary. I'm sure I'll go to school later_ (: з」 ∠)_。 If I am too greedy for the present [just say if, in case] at that time, I hope this paragraph written now will make me change my mind in the future
